


Found and Lost

by Saltheon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Sad, Unhappy Ending, Vague, at least that was what i was going for, sort of poetic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 11:32:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16831771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Saltheon/pseuds/Saltheon
Summary: Some time during the war, Draco leaves the the confines of the manor for the very last time. Some time later, Harry finds that he has lost yet again.This is more an imagery of scenes than a coherent story. It doesn't have a happy ending, you've been warned.





	Found and Lost

Silence.  
The moon bathed everything in it‘s pale, cold light. It was mid november and the trees around the manor had just lost the last few leaves, that had held on to the branches desperately. And it was as if the last leaf had taken with it the remnants of light, and warmth. Winter had come. A chill ran down his spine. It was cold outside. The grass crunched underneath his shoe as he stepped on it.  
The silence was broken.

Lonley.  
Lying on his back, looking at the empty sky his thoughts drifted. Drifted away from the clouds that hung over the moon and stars. Away from the cold seeping into his clothes, his skin, his bones. Away from his sadness turned to apathy. His thoughts went to a place of laughter and warmth and happiness. Togetherness. Belonging. Just for a moment he could conjure up the image of sparkling green eyes. The warmth of trailing fingertips on his body. The feelings elicited by a smile so bright it could light up the nightsky above him. The night sky did not light up, however. Nobody‘s eyes sparkeled down at him. Nobody caressed him gently, calmingly. Nobody smiled. Noone was there.  
He was alone.

Gone.  
Cold and pain and fear turned into numbness. Lonliness tunred into an abyss, not frightening but strangely inviting. It invited him to dive right in, offering a tempting pool of nothingness. A nothingness in which he wouldn‘t need to sense or know or feel. He could shut down his brain, his body, his heart. He could just become one with that form of nonexistence. How sweet it felt to be pulled into that. How freeing to just be and not need to care about time. It was as if he was being lifted up and falling down and going everywhere at once.  
Nothing was the opposite not of everything, but of anything. Which meant it didn‘t exist. Which meant, that it was everything that didn‘t exist. Which meant it was a whole lot more than all the things existing combined. To become nothing, was to become everything. There was so much more nonexistence arouond than there was existence. And he could become all of that at the same time. He knew he needn‘t fear what was to come. He didn‘t need jump into the abyss, rather it engulfed him. It embraced him like a mother would her new born child. Holding him gently, cradlling him in it‘s arms of forgetting. And slowly, he stopped sensing completely, his thoughts fading. This was true freedom. He could leave. He was free.  
His dead and bloodied body lay on the grass, facing the sky with empty eyes. Moonlight illuminated his pale cheeks and hair. Nobody was there to shed a tear. And that was how he disappeared.  
He was gone. 

Found and Lost.  
There was no real reason behind walking the grounds of that darned place. It was where they had seen each other the last time. Then he had disappeared. He didn‘t hope to gain anything from this, other than revelling in his pain. He had loved and he had lost. Many times. This loss seemed the least reasonable though. Why did he just disappear? Why did he never come back? Why didn‘t even the aurors find him, when they were looking for him to send him to trial? Why hadn‘t his family been able to find him? Where had he gone to? There was anger. Driected at the other for leaving. But also concern. He had wondered if he could find out anything of relevance about the other by coming back to the place that was once his home. He hadn‘t found anything. And there was no real reason behind walking the grounds. Not until he saw him. There, by the edge of the forest, he saw him lying, face turned upwards, staring at the pale blue sky. The anger reared it‘s head. Then he got closer. He stumbled and sped up into a sprint. He didn‘t shout. He couldn‘t. Words stuck in his throat as his worst fears materialized in front of him. He fell down to his knees beside the other boy. He bowed over him, cradling his head in his hands, staring into his unseeing eyes. He had just thought he had found him. Only to learn that he had loved and lost, yet again. This time though, it felt even more pointless. The boy hadn‘t died in a battle. Draco had died for uttering three simple words: ‚I don‘t know‘.  
And Harry had lost again.

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't my first fic ever written, but the first one in years (like... literally 5 or so). I'd say please be nice to me, but tbh if you think my writing sucks, you may aswell tell me so. Although I'd be most happy with constructive criticism. Anyways: hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading!


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